The Beginning
by giinngy
Summary: This is where it all begins, her night of weakness, the night when her grief was so strong that she couldn't see straight. The night when she lost what little control she thought she had. Blood colours her vision, small droplets rolling down her arms and cheeks. She's covered in it, warm, delicious and ever so addicting. Blood.


Caroline fell backwards onto the hard motel bed her body heavy with grief, briefly her mind thinks of all the germs and horrible things that have happened on this very bed and she cringes. Looking up into the mirror hanging on the ceiling.

"Classy" She mumbles to herself.

Thoughts of a past lover slip through from where she had safely hidden them after his death. Dean would have loved this mirror she thinks to herself, a small smile slipping on to her eternally young face. She curses wishing that if this god forsaken curse had to be laid upon her, why it couldn't have happened before he died. Maybe, just maybe she could have done something to save him, her heart clenches tightly at the thought.

She's only kidding herself, they hadn't even been speaking to each other at the time. Another spat about how he kept to many secrets, how he was away too often. She wishes she hadn't pushed him, that she could have realized that he only had so much time left. Not that it really would have done any good she snorts at that, they were both so stubborn and hard headed. She thinks, she knows that she should have stayed away from Mystic Falls after his death, should have stayed in her flat hundreds of miles away from all of the danger. Katherine had taken advantage of her naivety and grief, all to get to Elena.

Thoughts running in circles, like they did every night swirling with the "what if's". It was going to drive her insane one of these days, replaying the phone call over and over again, the image of his dead body lying helpless on the street, the feeling of fabric covering her face while the pillow smothers her until she's no longer breathing. Memories that will stick with her forever, and unfortunately her forever was longer than most.

"Fucking hell" Sitting up with her elbows resting on her knees, she rubs her hands over her face. " Get over it Caroline, it's over you got out of there" but not unscathed she thinks, groaning into her hands she makes a move to stand, hands falling to her side. Slowing walking over to the duffle bag sitting haphazardly by the door, kneeling down to sift through all the junk that had been shoved carelessly in there this morning. Her hands finally wrapping around the neck of the bottle. Pulling it out, she stares at the bottle of Bourbon she had nicked from Damon's Liquor cabinet before she had high tailed it out of there.

Its of the finest quality she's sure, Damon wouldn't have anything less. Scooting back against the bed, she unscrewed the cap and held the bottle slightly up in a toast to the Salvator Brother before she takes a large gulp. It burns down her throat but it doesn't taste near as bad, that should really be a sign that she's been drinking far too much.

If Stephen were here he would probably tell her that drinking isn't the answer, shaking his head and looking at her with those kind eyes. But Stephen's dead now too, so she drinks wishing silently that her best friend was back with her.

In the morning she rushes out, leaving no trace that she was ever there to begin with. She doesn't want them to find her, doesn't think she can handle it. Its their fault she thinks, they were to

wrapped up in their new romance that they let him slip through the cracks, they didn't protect him. A voice in her head always whispers to her, "that was your job, you should have saved him". Shaking her head she tries to forget those thoughts, leaving was supposed to make her forget. Forget the Stephen shaped hole in her heart, forget that she lost one of the most important people in her life, her saviour, her mentor, and her best friend.

Caroline quickly jumps into her car and speeds out of the parking lot, she has a lot of ground to cover before she reaches Denver. Flipping through radio channels, Caroline takes pause when "Cold as Ice" starts to blast through the speakers. She hadn't heard this song in over a year, it felt like a life time ago when Dean would tap his fingers on the steering wheel, and sing along to the song under his breath. Smiling at the thought of Dean, she had finally gotten to a place where it didn't hurt to think of him anymore, nearly a dull ache. Laughing to herself almost manically, she sang along to the tune, taping her fingers on the steering wheel in time to the music.

Images of their time together seem to bombard her on while driving, the first day she saw him. Smiling she thinks back to how different a time it was, only two years ago.

_Dean was standing by the bar in his trademark leather jacket, a glass of whisky in one hand and the other rubbing his face in frustration, the lack of leads on his father was weighing on him even Bobby had come up with nothing. Downing the whiskey in one gulp, he gently placed the glass back on the counter. Sighing before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a few bills to leave the bar tender. How he wished he could just drown himself in the alcohol, but he had a job to do, a brother to keep safe. Turning around, he bumped shoulders with a beautiful blond waitress with the brightest smile he had ever seen._

_After apologizing profusely, Caroline had slowly backed away from the handsome stranger, internally gawking at his beauty. Flustered she almost tripped over her own feet, a flush coming to her face when he reached out a hand to steady her. She apologized again for her clumsiness, mentally slapping herself, how stupid could she be. _

_"Don't worry about it darling, I'm Dean" a smooth smile came to his lips, it was second nature to flirt for him. _

_"Caroline" Pushing her chin up and shoulders back, she stuck out her hand for him to shake "Pleasure to meet you" a blinding smile forming on her lips, she was determined to make up for her clumsiness. _

_They talked for a few minutes, before he had to leave. Apologizing for running into him once more Caroline wiped her hands on the apron tied around her waist, a sheepish smile adorning her face. _

_"You can make it up to me, buy me a drink next time I'm back in town" he winks at her before leaving the bar. Caroline sighs and does a small happy dance, because he just had to be the most handsome man she had ever had the pleasure of gawking at. _

They had spent just over a year and a half together in Sioux Falls before he passed away. If Caroline was honest with herself she knew that he was the love of her life, the one, her one. You don't get another one like that in one life time, it broke her heart to think of how little time she had with him. The first few months were the hardest without him, she drank and drank until finally she couldn't feel it anymore. She drowned in the bitter taste of the alcohol.

Tears blurring her vision, Caroline shook her head to rid her self of the darker memories. It had taken a while to fully grieve his death, but now she could think of him and smile, instead of crumble under the weight of her grief. That what she had convinced herself but the pain of his absence still weighed on her, making it hard to smile and laugh. But thats not what normal people do they get over it, she tells herself over and over again as a mantra of sorts.

The yellow and orange hues from the sunset brought her a sense of peace, sitting on the hood of her car reclining against the windshield. Sitting in the parking lot of the motel until the sun set had become ritual of sorts, something almost were always her favourite, their beauty used to take her breath away, and brought her hope that if something that beautiful can exist then their is hope for the world.

Slowly slipping off the hood of her car, her body weak and stiff. Caroline couldn't remember the last time she had blood, it must have been a little more than three days. She had taken no time to stop along the way and steal blood, not that it was all that easy sneaking into a hospital at night was a lot harder than she ever expected. Nurses had caught her many a time, and compulsion wasn't as effective while dangerously low on blood. Fatigue weighing on her like an anvil, the decision to wait until morning was made.

Stepping into the filthy motel room she wrinkled her nose at the smell of nicotine that lingered there. Carelessly dropping her duffle bag on the tacky, stain riddled carpet, and began to sift through the mess of clothing to reach for her newest addiction. The cold glass gripped tightly in her small hands, she tipped the bottle back. Raising the bottle above her head, closing her eyes tight in a silent prayer to the many people she had lost. Thoughts of days spent in bed with the man of her dreams, and days spent laughing with her best friend take hold and the compulsion to drown herself in the bottle in front of her is too strong to resist. Sobs take hold of her and she lets out the pain she had been running from all this time.

This is where it all begins, her night of weakness, the night when her grief was so strong that she couldn't see straight. The night when she lost what little control she thought she had. Blood colours her vision, small droplets rolling down her arms and cheeks. She's covered in it, warm, delicious and ever so addicting. Theres a small voice inside her head that sound suspiciously like Stephen whispering that she needs to stop, that she's self destructing. The call of blood coming from the ginger girl across the bar is so much louder, so she ignores it and bathes delightedly in her blood. She doesn't stop, can't stop the desire for blood is too strong and no matter how much she kills or how much she drinks its never enough. She is insatiable.

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><p>Authors Note:<p>

I'm hoping to make this into two chapters, if my ever temperamental muse stays with me. The thought of an evil Caroline has always peaked my interest, she would be such a good serial killer!

Anywhoodle hope you enjoy the product of my crack addiction !


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